I’m 18. Many people believe I cannot possibly know what love is at this age. Maybe they’re right. I knew what it was when I was 15. Oh I fell in sweet love with this boy. His name was Nicholas. Nicholas was everything to me. I loved him so much it hurt. The thing is, it was a different kind of love. We were kids. Innocent and young. I loved how he would watch my favorite movie over and over again with me. I love how when we couldn’t be together, we face timed every night. The sweetest thing was he asked me out in the most beautiful language ever. Latin. He did because he knew it was my favorite. This boy learned a language for me. Wow. We went to church together and every school event. We would sit on the couch every Saturday and drink like 18 cans of Sprite. Gosh dang it I love that boy. Even when we broke up, we still remained friends. Still hung out. Still talked.
I do believe it really was love. It followed closely to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.”
August 4th, 2015. Nick passed away in a car crash. I really have had a difficult time with this and it still feels super weird knowing he’s not here. To be honest I’m crying right now and I really try not to cry about every little thing. So yeah… but this is the reason why I’ve stopped looking for love.
If I am meant to fall in love again, God will put it in my path. He will show me the way. I am blessed that I am not one of those super dependent people who need a person in their live in order to survive (these people exist!! I’ve seen it!! My father is one of them!!). I feel as though the only thing I can do is live my life the way I have been called by Him, and the rest will come in due time.
Honestly, it just sounds like I have commitment issues and a deep-seated feat of abandonment, but everything is not about falling in love and getting married at 18. It’s great if that’s what’s happening to you, that may be God’s plan. But I don’t think it is His plan for me at this particular moment.
Peace and Blessings,
Ashley
Ashley Lewis 